Minutes of a Millennial

In this season of reflection, I’ve been revisiting different seasons of my past in an attempt to understand my present. Although I’m thankful for where I am, I’ve been going over every period to determine if there was anything I should’ve done differently. As I look back through my wins and lessons, what sticks out the most are not the things I did wrong or the things I did right- only the things undone.

Life is funny in that it teaches you the same lesson again and again until you get it. Like REALLY get it. I’ve been hearing the phrase, you only live once for all my life and, till this day, it doesn’t hold up in my mind as an excuse to do stupid things. To me it has always meant, you only live once so do it right. But now, I understand that you only live once so do it well. To live well is to find a balance between planning and living.

At various stages, I recall wanting to try something new but backing out of it for some random reason. In middle school I wanted to try out for the dance team, I didn’t. After college I had the weirdest little desire to move out of state, I didn’t. I considered moving across the country for a job in Mississippi before starting grad school. You guessed it; I did not.

I won’t go down the “what would life be like if” rabbit hole, but I am wondering why didn’t I? Why was I so bent on sticking to my script? What was wrong with a little adventure? What did I protect by not doing those things?

At the moment, it seemed so wise to stick to the status quo because “what if it doesn’t work out?” but in retrospect, that is a terrible reason not to do something. How much fun can life be if we only do things that are safe and easy? The thrill is in the exploration and the unknown. Life is about the discovery of yourself and others. So it makes sense to try things and lean into your curiosity, even if you don’t know where it will lead you.

I can look back on all of my wins and celebrate. I can look back at the losses and celebrate the lessons learned, but what can I take away from the blurred spaces filled with weighing outcomes?

Hopefully, they can be a reminder to spend less time planning and more time doing.

I’ve spent a lot of time planning and envisioning certain aspects of my life, and it has led to some success. But now, I’m ready to let go of the script (that’s scary to type). I’m looking forward to a season of less planning, fewer expectations, and truly letting life unfold in the way it chooses.